You ARE better than you think you are

These past couple of weeks I have struggled with a few things. One of them being self-esteem/self-image. While in my head I KNOW that I shouldn't base how I feel about myself on how many dates I get asked out on or how a certain boy treats me, but I do it anyways. Sometimes, with things like this, I can't help it.

Then, certain situations arise, (for example going to a bridal shower for a friend that is younger than you and everyone else there is younger than you and either has their mission call or is in a serious relationship, hence no mission call), and I can't help but think, "Yeah, I'm not going on a mission, and I'm not dating anyone. What am I doing?"

This summer I am not taking summer classes and I currently don't have a job, (waiting to hear back from 2 though, fingers crossed!), so a lot of days I am just sitting at home with not a whole lot to keep my mind busy. So, naturally, it wanders, and not usually to the best places either. I get these self-destructive thoughts and then I am just in a funk for the rest of the day.

At the beginning of the summer, I decided that I wanted to get into better shape. I will admit, part of it was to impress a boy. Actually, a lot of it was. Today, I realized that if I keep that/him as my motivation, I'm not going to do very well. Then, I found this on Pinterest:

(Photo credit: www.alreadypretty.com)

Under the picture in the description it said, "give yourself some credit where it's due, be kind, and always be your own biggest motivator at the gym. never work out for someone else, a boy, your frenemies... work out because you want to be healthy, look good, and feel good. -EB"

Exactly what I needed right? 

So, obviously, I went on a mad search for some more motivational and uplifting sayings. Here is my favorite:

(Photo credit: themodernhive.com)

No matter what is getting you, or me, down, You ARE better than you think you are! And to show people this, BE YOU! While it is important to continually try to be better and to improve in life, you, and me, shouldn't change who we are for someone else. We should try to be better and improve for OURSELVES. Not for some friend, or for some boy, or for some coworker, boss, etc. 

So, just BE YOU and always remember that you ARE better than you think you are! 

Now, I just need to listen to my own advice and get through this funk of mine. Tomorrow is a new day :)

Going to the RODEO!

I am one of the three Assistant Young Women's Girl Camp Directors in my ward, (cause let's be honest, I still don't wanna grow up and go to the single's ward) and this year our theme for camp is 

"Going to the RODEO",

with RODEO standing for Respecting Ourselves, Deserving Excellence, Obeying (the Lord). 

Everything at camp is going to be a Cowgirl/Western-type theme.

I have been assigned to start thinking of ideas for crafts and service projects that the girls can do while up at camp. 

I have a feeling that Pinterest could be a great resource in this situation! 

Do you have any awesome ideas on crafts we could do, and especially on some fun service projects? 

Please share your wisdom if you do! It would be much appreciated! 

Thanks!

Superbowl Surmises

Watching the Superbowl

Eating great food

Lets get this Niners

A win would be good!

I would like to recognize that I just thought that up in a period of about 30 seconds. 

It is the 4th Quarter with 4:28 left in the game and the 49ers are down by 2. I gotta have faith that they can pull it out! 

Anyways, vegging on the couch, eating my weight in bread and spinach artichoke dip, and feeling guilty that I haven't been working on my homework at all, I decided that to not feel so guilty that right now would be a good time to think and blog. 

This weekend has been a pretty interesting one. Friday day I got to watch my High School Drill Team, the Copper Hills Azurettes, take state for the first time! Then, I got to go over to my great friend Whitney's house and watch a movie with some great friends and some fairly attractive men :) Eye Candy is always great right??

Then, Saturday was interesting. I had my LDSSA retreat up at Camp Tracy. We had dinner (Cafe Rio, awesome as always), then had some leadership training, then went sledding. It was a pretty fun night, but I just felt out of the loop with everyone. Maybe it was cause the sledding was kind of terrifying and the hill was way longer than I expected. 

Then on the way back to the institute,there was a conversation in the car I was in that I had to hold my tongue multiple times. Turns out, the other girl in the car had the same thoughts as I did. To sum it up, one of the guys in the car was talking about how he was glad that girls could go on a mission sooner so that he wouldn't have to wait as long to marry a returned sister missionary that was younger than him, and that he only wants to marry a returned missionary because they "are better" than women who don't go on a mission (Those weren't his exact words, but that was what I took from what he said). The other girl in the car is in the same boat as I am. We want to go and have always thought about going, but we are meant to stay here for right now. 

Alright, now to what I really wanted to post about. Is that really what young single adult men are thinking? That if a girl isn't going on a mission that something is wrong with her? I don't know if any guys read my blog but I am really wondering this. Now, I am sure that not all guys think this, but is it pretty common nowadays? 

Anyways, the Niners just lost. Boo. But it's ok, I'm not super upset about it. 

Smörgåsbord!

First of all, the title of this post is courtesy of Elise. No, I did not know how to spell it before she posted it.

So I have lots of thoughts as of late and just thought I would share.

First, check out my Follow Me buttons over on the left side there. I finally figured out how to get them on here, and I'm pretty proud of myself.

Second, I made a new FB page for my blog! The FB button links over to it, so feel free to "Like" it! Also, I got a twitter account again (hence the twitter button), mostly to follow the LDS accounts, as well as my blogger buds! 

Third, I might die this semester. I am taking Advanced Anatomy, among some other tough classes as well. I have heard that Advanced is probably one of the hardest, if not hardest, classes available at the U. And I'm taking it for fun. Cause I'm an idiot. 

Fourth, I am in the process of applying for nursing school. But I keep putting it off and finding other things to do instead of work on my application. Cause I'm a slacker, slash terrified of growing up. 

Also, I am kind of scared that I probably won't get in this year. Reason is, they look very highly at clinical experience, and I have like none except for my clinical hours for my CNA certification. Which leads me to...

Fifth, I need to get a job. I need money for various reasons, as well as getting experience in the health care field. But, I also don't really want to work at a nursing home and change briefs all day. So that's a dilemma.

Sixth, I haven't really made any new years resolutions because once I do, I always get so discouraged because I feel like I am failing. So, I think this year I am just going to make "decisions" of how I want to better my life. And if I slip up, it is totally ok and I can just start again the next day!

Seventh, this post is probably getting a bit long, so enjoy a pic from my recent family vacation on a cruise to Mexico! 

Photo taken at Lover's Beach in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

No editing has been done to this photo. It was really just that gorgeous!

*Disneyland and Cruise post (s) to come later*

Happy Weekend Bleeps! (Blogger Peeps) ;)

Something to think about

Source: alyxiachristeen.tumblr.com via Becca on Pinterest

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I feel like crap.
Sometimes, I don't get ready for the day because no one will see me.
Sometimes, I go to church only because I know that I should, even when I'm sick.

Sometimes, I am super grateful for the Olympics to keep me entertained while laying on the couch.
Sometimes, I hate the Olympics because they make me feel inadequate.

Sometimes Always, I miss my best friend.
Sometimes Always, I don't want to grow up.

Sometimes, I am so ready for this week to be over.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm behind in my "love life".

Sometimes, I don't have the motivation to blog about going to Wicked this week.
Sometimes, I really don't have the motivation to do anything that I need to do.

Sometimes, I just feel like screaming....or crying.
Sometimes Always, I can't and won't let my insecurities show.

And sometimes, I just have to forget all of this and go on with my life.

Research Paper Roughness

So I've been staring at either my computer or my Writing 2010 notebook since around 2 o'clock this afternoon. And it is now 10pm. I have finally written an intro to my 7-9 page research paper, but I have no idea where to go from here. 

At around 5pm, I decided I just needed to start writing anything that I thought down on paper, just to clear my mind a bit. It ended up being kind of a confession/vent to myself. This is what I ended up writing down:

I don't like to write. I don't feel like I am any good at it. And compared to the rest of my dad's side of the family, I'm not good at it at all. They are all amazing writers and I don't belong. I feel inadequate, like I am never living up to their expectations. I think that's why I always have trouble getting started and being motivated to write, because I know that when it's all done, it will never be as good as anything anyone else in the family has written. 

When I read what Mike commented about Tom, about how he was sad that he has missed seeing Tom develop into a talented writer, I felt crushed. He has missed seeing me grow up as well, but I've never been recognized. And now that I'm not going to Med. School and I'm not going to be a doctor, I never will be recognized.

I feel like I always have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head and I have no way to adequately express them, because when I try to put them on paper, they are all jumbled and a big mess. Dance used to be my outlet for emotion; I could just pound out my feelings and frustrations into the floor and it was like they wouldn't be such a big deal anymore. I don't have that anymore and I wish I did. I need an outlet so I don't drive myself insane. 

I don't know why I have a blog sometimes because I'm not a good writer. But that is also why most of my posts have pictures to go along with them. 

I have been putting off taking this class for 2 years now because of this insecurity/inadequacy. But I have to take it to be able to get any degree. I can already tell that the intro to my paper is not that good at all and just the thought makes me cringe. I am dreading writing the rest of this paper because I am afraid that it is going to be horrible and being a type A student, that isn't acceptable for me.

20 Seconds

So the past couple weeks, I've been like this:

(sorry about the random picture of the lady in the middle of the video...weird!)

Then, I decided that I was done being sad.

I was too busy and too determined for that. 

Then, I saw this:

And, I really think that is true. 

20 seconds.

I can do anything for 20 seconds.

Sleep Schedule

Well, it's 1:31am and I am wide awake.

My sleep schedule is way messed up lately.

I went to the drive in last night and didn't get home and in bed till around 3am.

I will post about that tomorrow.

Then I was supposed to study chem with my friend Kara this morning at 10 but I woke up at 9:30, so I hurried and showered then went over and studied....for 6 hours straight. 

It was intense. 

With breakfast burritos.

But now, my body is exhausted and if I went downstairs and actually tried to go to sleep I probably would.

But I'm lazy and that takes me walking down the stairs...

Also, my mind would stop thinking about the predicaments that I find myself in at the moment. 

Now it is 1:35am....

I used to have a twitter account that would entertain me and let me ramble on at all hours of the night.

But then I got rid of it. Cause the world is a filthy place. 

And while there were some great things on twitter, like the church accounts and such, they were few and far between. 

I mean, I didn't follow any bad accounts, but when some people would "retweet" things with foul language and nasty connotations, I would cringe. 

So I finally just deleted it. 

And it felt glorious. 

But now I find myself awake with nothing to do and a million things running through my mind. 

Now my head hurts, which probably means it really is time for me to suck it up and go to bed. 

Night bloggies! 

This has been a late night post brought to you by: the inner workings of my brain cells :)

Finals Week

Sometimes, I wonder why I do this to myself. 

Then I remember that I love school. 

And that's why I start school back up in 2 weeks for summer semester.

I'm oddly excited for it. 

Probably cause I'm taking a Zumba class and am gonna get in awesome shape!

Now, I need to do my take home final for my Children's Lit class.

But I put the Pro in Procrastination.

So who knows if I'll do it today. 

I'm hungry. 

But walking upstairs to get lunch takes effort. 

Food is worth it though. 

I'm conflicted in my emotions for the male gender right now. 

Dang boys.

Gotta make everything so complicated. 

This has been a message from the inner workings of my head during Finals Week. 

Enjoy.