I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, but never really knew everything I wanted to say and how to say it. But I know that I just need to get it out there for everyone to know what is going on with me.
Plans Change. And sometimes it sucks. Right now it sucks. But I've come to accept it.
Ever since I can remember, I've been planning on going on a mission. The plan has always been to go to school until I was 21 and then take a 18-month break to go abroad.
Then the announcement came that girls could go on missions now starting at 19.
When I was 19, I was full-on angry that I had to stay here while all of my guy friends got to leave on missions. I didn't feel it was fair that they got to go and I had to wait, but I accepted it then.
Then a few months ago, before the announcement, I met with my bishop to talk about getting mission papers. I was so sure of myself, I thought, making the appointment and walking into his office.
Then, I broke down. I wasn't sure of what I was really supposed to do with my life right now. My bishop then gave me an assignment to go home, talk to my parents, weigh the pros and cons of a mission, and to make a decision. Then, I would take that decision to the Lord.
So, I did just that. And I came to a decision. One I wasn't very happy about, but it felt right.
I'm not going on a mission.....right now.
I don't know exactly why this is the answer, especially because I'm not dating anyone right now, so the whole marriage thing isn't getting in the way.
I have talked to people who were also planning on a mission, but a man walked into there life and they went that path instead.
I think that is why this is so hard and confusing for me. I don't have the reason of marriage for not going, and all along that was the only thing that I thought could make my plans change.
If the announcement that girls can now leave at 19 had come when I was 19, I would have been gone in a heartbeat. I would have been one of those girls that called their bishop that day to get their papers going.
When the announcement came, I was devastated. Why didn't that happen just 2 years earlier?
But I know why, at least the why for me.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have been an Anatomy TA.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be involved with the Spirit of Place Committee at the SL Institute of Religion.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have met my best friend.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have the amazing friends I have now.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have met my bloggy-friends.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be applying to nursing school next month.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be so close to my adorable cousin Lizzie Hammer.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
And for that, I am grateful I didn't go when I was 19.
