Thursday, December 27, 2012

Plans Change

I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, but never really knew everything I wanted to say and how to say it. But I know that I just need to get it out there for everyone to know what is going on with me. 

Plans Change. And sometimes it sucks. Right now it sucks. But I've come to accept it.

Ever since I can remember, I've been planning on going on a mission. The plan has always been to go to school until I was 21 and then take a 18-month break to go abroad. 
Then the announcement came that girls could go on missions now starting at 19. 
When I was 19, I was full-on angry that I had to stay here while all of my guy friends got to leave on missions. I didn't feel it was fair that they got to go and I had to wait, but I accepted it then. 
Then a few months ago, before the announcement, I met with my bishop to talk about getting mission papers. I was so sure of myself, I thought, making the appointment and walking into his office. 
Then, I broke down. I wasn't sure of what I was really supposed to do with my life right now. My bishop then gave me an assignment to go home, talk to my parents, weigh the pros and cons of a mission, and to make a decision. Then, I would take that decision to the Lord. 
So, I did just that. And I came to a decision. One I wasn't very happy about, but it felt right.

I'm not going on a mission.....right now.

I don't know exactly why this is the answer, especially because I'm not dating anyone right now, so the whole marriage thing isn't getting in the way.
I have talked to people who were also planning on a mission, but a man walked into there life and they went that path instead. 
I think that is why this is so hard and confusing for me. I don't have the reason of marriage for not going, and all along that was the only thing that I thought could make my plans change.
If the announcement that girls can now leave at 19 had come when I was 19, I would have been gone in a heartbeat. I would have been one of those girls that called their bishop that day to get their papers going. 
When the announcement came, I was devastated. Why didn't that happen just 2 years earlier? 
But I know why, at least the why for me. 

If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have been an Anatomy TA. 
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be involved with the Spirit of Place Committee at the SL Institute of Religion.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have met my best friend.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have the amazing friends I have now. 
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't have met my bloggy-friends.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be applying to nursing school next month.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be so close to my adorable cousin Lizzie Hammer.
If I had gone at 19, I wouldn't be the person I am today. 

And for that, I am grateful I didn't go when I was 19.


  1. I love this! It was super hard for me to the "no" answer. But kudos to you for realizing all the Lord has needed you here for!
    Also, I've heard some 21 year old girls complaining about how it's not fair they couldn't go at 19. But I saw one girl who said, "I'm leaving in 2 months. I'll just barely be 21. And I'm not mad that I couldn't go when I was 19. Because my mission wasn't even open then!" That really put it in perspective for me. When the Lord needs you, he'll use you. Even if it means staying in Utah ;)
    Love you girL!

  2. Oh man Becca, we should talk. I never thought I wanted to go until I got close to 21 and I had a dream that told me there were things for me to do here. I would have gone had I recieved that answer. However, I think the more challenging thing has indeed been staying here. Not getting any for sure answers (at least that I feel) for what to do. Already turned down a proposal, because I wasn't sure, just recently thought I was supposed to marry a guy and then he suddenly felt unsure, not sure whether to pick up school again and get a higher degree? Or just focus on work and my RS calling? I'm sorry it feels hard to get that answer for you. I know how you feel. We'll have to keep our chins up and hearts open together I suppose.

  3. I feel the same way. I know I have Brady and he plays a huge factor into why I am not going, but I almost feel upset because I have waited my whole life to go at 21, and now I can just go tomorrow? Hahaha, it's just so different now then it was when I was 19... But I agree.

    You are a strong person Becca. I admire your faith very much. And I pray that your life will be led the way the Lord needs it to :) Keep us updated!!

  4. hi becca! i found this post and it is something i felt i can relate to. going on a mission was always my plan and when i was 19 i was literally praying that the mission age would change so that i could leave! it didn't change, i kept preparing to go, and while preparing a met a certain young man. a young man i knew i couldn't leave. so, i married him, knowing it was what i was supposed to do. five months into our marriage, we were getting ready to turn on general conference, and a voice in my head told me the mission age would be changing that day. sure enough, president monson announced it. i was shocked at the irony of it! it is something that's hard for me sometimes that i was never able to go on a mission and THEN get married. however, the Lord knows best. i am married to my best friend, the person i was meant to be with. i have the opportunity of serving in our ward. i am also in nursing school now, something i wouldn't have done had i left on a mission. my life right now is a different mission of its own.

    i know you said you aren't dating anyone and so our situations are very different. my mom's mission was delayed for a very long time and it was heartbreaking to her, but looking back on it she now says she was supposed to be on her mission at that exact time because of the companions she had and the people she met. the Lord has something very special in store for you. proverbs 3:5-6

    sorry for such a long comment! :)


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