Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I Know.

This last week I had the opportunity to go to Young Women's Girls Camp with my ward. I have the calling of "Assistant Camp Director", which is part of the reason why I am still in my home ward and not going to a Young Single Adult ward, cause I refuse to grow up and move on from going to Girls Camp ;)

The theme for this year's camp was "RODEO", with it being an acronym for "Respecting Ourselves, Demanding Excellence, and Obeying the Lord". Each day was assigned a topic within that saying and the Young Women leaders and the YCL's would each give devotionals throughout the day having to do with the topic for the day. 

I am so grateful that I was able to go up to camp and to hear those devotionals. It allowed me to reflect on my life, on what I am doing, on if I am progressing or just staying stagnant. And I learned a lot, not only directly from what was said in the devotionals, but also from the Spirit that spoke to me in those moments of reflection. 

This post is really hard for me to write, but I know that I just have to get everything out in the open, to let others know of not only my beliefs, but also of my struggles and trials that have come. 

As many of you know, I am not serving a full-time mission for the LDS church at this time. (read more about that in this post.) When that decision was made and the reality that my plans had changed set in, I struggled. I didn't know what to believe anymore. At that point, I was just going through the motions. I went to church, went to institute, read my scriptures, said not the most meaningful prayers, and fulfilled my responsibilities and callings. I wanted to believe, but because of the hustle and bustle of life, I didn't take the time to truly re-find out for myself. 

Then, I was presented with a choice. A choice between having a life with someone who treated me like a princess and loved me and could talk anatomy with me and was standing in front of me with open arms, or choosing the Lord and His plan for me. So, I had to find out for myself if I truly believed. 

It was hard. And I spent many nights crying and I still do. But now I not only believe. 

I Know. 

I know that the Lord has a plan for me. I know that there is a worthy priesthood holder that will someday be my husband. I know that His plan is worth waiting for. I know that times are and will be hard, that there will be times that I won't want to wait anymore. 
But I also know that my Heavenly Father knows me. He knows me personally! And He knows what is best for me and what will help me to grow and achieve greatness in my life! He knows of the struggles that I go through each day, when I feel that I am alone. 

But I'm not alone. 

My Savior, Jesus Christ, knows everything that I go through, every feeling of inadequacy and doubt. And He is right next to me, holding me up. He is my best friend, a constant companion, and a shoulder to cry on. I am so grateful that I have this knowledge that I am never really alone! The amount of peace that this simple truth brings to me is indescribable! 

I am so grateful for the trials and heartache that I have had to go through. They have taught me so much about myself and about my Savior. I love this gospel! I am so grateful that I have been able to be raised in a family where the doctrines and principles of it have been taught! I am so grateful for the priesthood leaders in my life, for the example that they have been to me, for showing me the kind of man that I want to marry someday! 

I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father with all my heart. I testify of the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I say these things in the sacred name of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful. My goodness how hard it was for me to not serve a mission. Especially after my little sister started her mission papers. Now my little sister will go through the temple a few weeks before me and will get to be there for my sealing.
    It is sometimes SO hard to pick the Lord's plan. Why? I don't know, maybe because we are human. But either way, I am so proud of you. You are an amazing young woman! And when I live in SLC starting in August, we WILL be real life friends.


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